I see....do you know what part of yourself he took away? How do you get it back?



I like your summary, thank you. Of course, I do already have this big picture but you kind of put it more emotionally with empathy for me. I am going to try and focus on all this big picture and not get swayed again and pulled back in my mind. I really feel I DO have a RESOLVE for this finally. I did process more last evening too and that I think helps too.

You won't believe this actually!! I went back to old facebook talks where I was trying to get him to take some responsibility or at least clear up things for me and give me closure. Err, at least???? It wouldn't have happened without him taking responsibility lol. So anyway, I finally understood the worst part of what he was saying. It always tripped me up before!!

Basically, he seemed so spiritual and that tripped me up before. Like, he did ACTUALLY get admitted to a buddhist university the same year as his ****up with me. I'm not joking. Things like that always bugged me still even if I tried to just tell myself that eh, it's just something he did on the side and doesn't mean anything. But he did do yoga too for a very long time and became a yoga teacher etc etc. A helpful person on the surface and so on.

So you can see how I was tripped up in all that. But I read the very last chat we had before I cut him off. And before we had that last chat he was already ********ting me with how he just expressed himself (when he shouldn't have!! Not keeping boundaries. Yes this was about cheating too, very serious cheating, serial cheater & the manipulation on top of it). So then I asked bc I knew he was so into this buddhist crap, I asked what system of principles he has that it can be compatible with that, THAT emotionally abusive behaviour.

And he linked this buddhist website to me and it talked about buddhist principles... and he emphasised the one called brahmacharya and it just said on that site that it's like having sex with a pure intention in the heart. And I didn't really pay attention to that back then, ... But I looked it all up now and it's SO IRONIC it's about sexual moderation and a proper loving relationship, for a SERIAL CHEATER ?!??! LOL

Anyway back then I didn't look it up, I just plain got stuck on how he noted it means that you should avoid sexual objectification..... I got at him immediately that he did objectify me and others like f*** and we got into an argument about it lol so we never went back to the buddhist principles.

And then ..... Discovering this, I'm like.... I finally see such a truly obvious lie, thank god. I mean I knew he lied anyway, but this was just really so obvious like he tried to lie to me about his attitude to sex when his attitude was already VERY clear to me about it loool.

I mean. Very simple lie. "I'm a serial cheater and I am justifying it to you with brahmacharya (sexual moderation, sex from pure intent from the heart, a pure relationship)."

(No joke. His idea was free expression from the pure heart or whatever LOL. No, he denied being into polyamory. Plus polyamory is straightforward, it's not cheating behind the back of your partner)

It just gives me such an objective grounding finally that I didn't have before. I had some but this gave me way MORE. I felt shock but I also felt relief and I got over the shock and I just feel relief but I also do feel some nausea and feeling like throwing up but that's also strangely relieving eventually

Also it's really sickening spiritual abuse - on top of the emotional abuse also involved here - because it's like he expected me to also believe that he was following this essence of this principle about seeing the soul rather than just the person in a relationship, and specifically in an emotionally balanced relationship. I know for a FACT that he saw anything about me but not my soul.


The end. Thanks for reading...