Beadlady: What a nice & caring post. I am quite overwhelmed, actually.

I had not had any suicide attempts for MANY years (though had extremely strong thoughts) because of concern for my 2 children & the effect on them as my mother was also bipolar & after many attempts & stays in the mental institution did finally succeed in killing herself when I was a teenager.

I didn't want to pass that legacy on to my children so that is why I'm still so shaken that "something" overtook me & my senses & led me to that irrational behavior of ODing a year & a half ago & it's scared me quite a bit.

The new therapist seems to be very good. I see her today.

Only slept 1 hour & 45 min. last night despite all these sedating meds. Just feel so revved up & anxiety too, despite the klonopin I took before bed. Oh well, this is nothing new to me. I actually love the feeling of being hypo manic; it's just the fear of the depression returning suddenly & with a vengeance like it did that led to the OD.

See pdoc next week. My dx for quite a while now has been bipolar 1--mixed moderate so meds are still being adjusted. She wants to add Serequel to aid in sleep, but I'm resisting as I already take so many meds & I don't want to take anything that will make me groggy in the morning.

I want to live; I've spent so much of my life depressed (I'll be 54 tomorrow) that when I'm not depressed I want to squeeze every drop of the experience possible each day.

I'm glad you have found a reason to live & not give into the suicidal ideation.

Thanks again for the kind words.--Suzy