I am sickened by my husband's behaviors. JUST SICKENED.

He manipulated the entire situation - AND ME - back in July when I faced him with a divorce then. It's evident to me now that he only acknowledged his abuse towards me in order to keep me from leaving him back in July. Now he is fully backtracking and backpedaling, claiming it's NOT abuse. He also claims he did NOT cheat on me, when clearly he DID cheat. And he full well KNOWS that he cheated on me.

Then it turns out he recorded me yelling at him that one fateful night?? So now what? He's going to use that as evidence that I abused HIM?

He continues to gaslight me - he told me that NO other woman has told him he treats women poorly - GASLIGHTING and LIES. He is denying the abuse - more gaslighting. He is denying the affair - more gaslighting.

I want to scream. I want to kick him. I want him to die. I am SO livid - I am beyond enraged over the injustice of the situation. I cannot get any validation from him or ownership of his poor behaviors. I will never get it from him. And he's going to twist the whole story around to his friends, his family and God knows whomever else (any of our shared friends?) to try and claim that I am at fault.

My blood is boiling. I get really upset over injustices in life, and this is one of them. Unjust situations and people are a personal pet peeve of mine that send me to the moon and back with BOILING RAGE.

I hate him with every fibre in my entire being and soul. I absolutely loathe and detest him. I don't know what to do with all my anger and rage at this point. I cannot unload it on him anymore, and I have to keep our messages strictly to business only.

I have my call with my abuse advocate today - thankfully. Maybe she can talk me down from the ledge. I pray, I hope. I really need HELP.