Hi Stranga,
When I first found this place I read and read sometimes late into the night. But now, I just dip in occasionally and read briefly. So when saw your post, to be honest I only read bits. It may be more likely to get responses here if you talk in smalller parcels.
I know how tempting it is to pour out your heart and soul, but when i did that, I found it left me too vulnerable.
I noticed you passionately want to get through to you father. Getting through to others is not simple or easy. The tried and tested path is to look at your self first and take the focus off the other, eg, what do you need? Can you see what feelings/ needs/ fears are behind your own behaviour?
It sounds like you are compassionate towards you father, and you can see and feel for him beneath that "outer shield protecting himself and in front of anyone..... "
If you have lonings and needs, is there a way you can get what you need for yourself in a more likely place?
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This lady used her manipulative tricks to kick me out of the house and it truly scares me because while I am happy I am not living with him and everyone i know tells me to forget him and move on with my life...I feel obligated because if I do not make my dad realize things then I feel that he will die of a heart attack within 5 years (he is turning 50 in July). I have the power in so many ways to change things for him and as I said with myself....my OCD and ADHD conflict at work but thank god things have improved but is still a daily conflict I have with "busy work" as I spend too much time on them. For my father, I know that he does not have rituals and I am very sure he has OCPD and my psychiatrist said so himself privately to me after one visit. The problem with my dad is that he has an outer shield protecting himself and in front of anyone.....
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These seem like important issues for you, and I really like your wording about the protective outer sheild!
Decide how you feel, for yourself, is a good way to live, and try your best to grow towards this belief.
See how that seems to you,
riverx