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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
This is important to see. It sounds like you gave them more value then they actually deserved. You are still doing that without realizing it. You are still holding onto your own hurt feelings that were caused by two people who never had the capacity to respect your feelings in the first place.
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Thanks for your input. With some of it, I'm not sure if you read the whole thread though. I was not speaking of hurt feelings per se. I wish I was.
And this whole thread is about trying to see what I'm missing about how it's taking so long to get past all of this issue, but some of it really is just it being a slow process.
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Do you understand what an emotional vampire is? An emotional vampire is someone who constantly needs others to vent their emotional challenges to, they are not emotionally mature where they can resolve their emotional challenges on their own. This type of person is NOT going to appreciate you the way you think, in fact if you don't service THEIR need the way THEY want, you can most definitely expect that person to trash you and tell the world how awful you are.
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Yeah that was a great summary. I didn't call them specifically emotional vampires, but one of these people was definitely a classic emotional vampire. And the other one was too in the sense that they used drama even if more subtle drama than the first person, to get their needs serviced lol. I really liked your phrasing there. Servicing needs is what they actually EXPECTED, yeah.
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It's often a person that chases this need to be "special" to make up for not feeling that way when they were a child. OR its a person who was treated like they were special who expects that same treatment from others as they tend to feel entitled. Both need their ego to take priority and neither will give you "genuine love". You know that saying "sheet floats"? Well, that's typically what gets to the top sadly.
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YES totally.
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If you have not moved on then there is something you need to learn from the experience you had with these two people. Part of your healing is recognizing your own part in this bad experience. From what you shared it sounds like you gave more of yourself than you should have to individuals that did not have the ability to appreciate you. If you are only wonderful when you are constantly servicing another's emotional needs then that's a red flag.
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Well the thing is if I had seen it was about their emotional and other needs being serviced, I'd have not got into it. When I did see it finally was when I ran from it. And I've been trying to get past it all since then (3 years).
I don't really like to think of it as, "recognising my own part in the experience". I've tried to take enough responsibility already, clearly overdoing that, in too many ways. I prefer to view it instead as, simply recognising what I can learn and how to avoid such extremely bad experiences/people in future. Leaving my own "responsibility" out of it when viewing it this way. Because I've already had these toxic people try and put ALL the blame on me both in overt and subtle ways.