Well, actually responding to your first post made me think & realise that a BIG part with it taking so much time to heal and move on is that I still have had to undo all the subtle blame put on me. Actually that is something I am actively working on lately. Because, all the blame and gaslight, it ended up in me not even seeing that it all wasn't even my fault. And that's very dangerous to psychological and emotional health and makes moving on impossible. So yes it has to be fully recognised and through recognising this I can then fully take in that they really just tried to exploit me and it was not ME. None of it was me. So yeah, your last sentence. Definitely.

It has nothing to do with me wanting to change them, either. I don't really believe in people changing all that often. It truly is just them orchestrating things with gaslight and manipulation so that I would have a very hard time getting rid of the feeling that maybe it was something I did.... NO. It wasn't.

So again I appreciate your wanting to help but please when you see people talking about trauma then understand that it is not about "holding on to" "hurt feelings" and it is most decidedly not about what the abused and traumatised person's "responsibility" was in "letting it all happen".

That's emotionally bad input and not fitting the situation. Be please careful to not add further damage for such people. I am aware of what it is so you didn't cause damage to me, but if you see a similar situation for someone else, please remember this. Thanks.