I am following this thread also because I've reached out more than once to IG and have been told that we "HAD" to respond nicely to him. I don't HAVE to do anything that I DON"T want to do. I do not have to spend time sitting here, at my daughter's computer, trying hard to reach IG. I could be DOING something else. But I made a choice to try and help him. Both of you made really good points about what's actually going on with IG. Whether or not he accepts your words and mine, is his choice. I didn't lie to him when I said that he is not unattractive. IG, I think, lies to himself. He blames whats going on on his looks when it's really the negative message that comes from inside that he sends. I hope, IG, that you have learned something that you can take and use from all of this. Pat p.s. I live alone and I like it. I do things for myself, as rewards, and try to help others as much as possible. I'd like to suggest that you spend one day doing things for others.....without telling them that you are doing it.......and see how you feel afterwards. The 12th step of the AA program stresses that we're at our best when we're doing for others. I find that to be true.