I was married for 31 years to an abuser, so I understand your feelings. Abusers are excruciatingly insecure, and don't care what you say or think....The best thing you can do, is to stop responding when you hear abuse, and I know how difficult that is to do; abusers NEED you to constantly respond to their abuse; they are emotional vampires. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life and helped me immensely....to go forward and get the divorce. Do everything to keep yourself safe; become aware of the money issues, etc. See an attorney (first visit usually free); just to see where you stand, etc. If you are able, talking to a therapist can be most valuable.