This week I went looking for a support group. 2020 has been particularly rough, and I’ve found myself desperately hoping to find someone that will understand at least part of what I’m going through. Your post is one if the first I’ve read, and the first I’m replying to. I was in a 16 year relationship with my husband (married for 14 years). We have 2 boys, ages 12 and 9. My 12 year old has autism. While I can relate to your post in so many ways, I can’t imagine having 2 kids on the spectrum. I hope in sharing part of my story with you, you will feel less alone.

A year ago (last December) I went to the eye doctor for a routine exam. 2 days later I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. In January 2020 I went in for surgery on my youngest sons 9th birthday to have a tumor removed and a biopsy done. While recovering from surgery and waiting for biopsy results, my husband chose this time to inform me that he wanted to live a different life. As he started moving on with his life, I was left pretty much alone to recover from surgery, homeschool my kids (because COVID shut their schools down), and try to give my kids a normal routine they both desperately needed. COVID also shut down all my sons therapy offices. These are therapies that have been a regular part of his routine since he was 12 months old. At the end of May 2020, I went in for another check up to see how I was recovering from surgery. At this appointment I was told I need 6 weeks of brain radiation. I started radiation in July 2020. I did this 5 days a week for 6 weeks, and received 81 doses of radiation. It left me incredibly tired, and nauseous. 5 days after finishing radiation, my husband of 14 years filed for divorce. We went through mediation on October 1st, and he willing gave me primary custody of my kids, and agreed to let me leave the state with them (so I could be closer to family as I recover) for less spousal support. In October 2020, I packed up our lives and moved halfway across the country. I’ve spent the past 2 months trying to get my kids settled into their new lives.

While our stories are different, I think we have a lot in common. We’re both in our 30’s, we are both single parents to 2 boys, we have a child/children with autism, and it sounds like we were both betrayed and traumatized by the one person we should have been able to count on. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself. Know that you’re doing your best, even when it feels like it’s not enough. I do believe that things will get better and easier for both of us.