So Sorry to hear what has happened to you! Please take ALL the Time you need to Grieve. It won't be easy for sure but it will get easier. i'd say the advice that @WovenGalaxy has given You is WONDERFUL! Please take it ALL into consideration. i don't have much to add myself. Definitely keep yourself distracted and see if you can contact a therapist or doctor to help you with this. Do try your Best! You do matter much! SEnding many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @UncertainFuture, your Family, your FriEnds and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!