@Moose72 - I really don’t know as I’ve only had one longish term relationship since my husband died, and even then it was only six months (and basically ended emotionally at four months). I never noticed it with him but we didn’t have a meaningful connection so I guess it wasn’t subconsciously scary? I’m not sure how much of it is physical and how much is emotional. I’m still struggling to put things together from my marriage. It’s hard to admit some of the things that happened and how they look to others. I downplay most of it, but I’ve downplayed the severity of basically every bad thing that has ever happened to me so whatever.

I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’m just frustrated. I want to feel whole. I don’t want to feel like I’m in separate pieces.