@Kriss, if during the difficult times when you find yourself contemplating and thinking about SH and suicide, if you're able to utilise the mind and shift your thoughts towards things you hold dear and have meaning for you, and also towards something of a more physical nature, even if it's walking in nature, then by doing that you'll be countering the negative impulses with positive ones. Easier said than done but it's sort of like swimming towards the shore when the current is trying to pull you out.

I mention that because it's a way of coping which helps me personally.

Stay strong in your resolve, you're going to get back to a better place again. Hoping you're managing okay today. 🙏