hey @
Open Eyes, I only read your 3 posts now. I'll respond to the last one first because it was emotionally very ...affecting me.
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I have said this myself, even to therapists. It has taken me a long time to understand that I have held onto hurts. I think a lot of people do because we navigate to avoid being hurt. I would have to say that my own failing was in giving another person more value then that person deserved.
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I really really want to say that it's not true with trauma. Trauma is about about failure to integrate the experience and the emotions. It's NOT about holding onto normal hurts. If therapists told you that then they did not really experience trauma. And where you say that the abuse was embarrassing, I would say NO!, it's only an embarrassment to the abuser at best lol, it's NOT an embarrassment to the abused.
You wrote a lot about your sister. And I could relate a lot there. Alot and then when you got to the point where you said people tell you all the time that you are just holding onto hurt feelings I got upset and angry like how can people tell anyone that. To me it's just like, if you loved someone that much, it's just going to be like that, how can you even expect yourself to just go decide and kill that love ???? : ((
I mean I have tried to do that and it's just CRUEL having to try to do it.
I don't care if anyone calls that holding onto hurts!! On top of dealing with the whole trauma experience!!
Sorry. I have to calm down and think more about all of this. Alot of your thoughts there I have had myself. I also felt angry yes, I just don't know at who or what. Angry at the person I used to know and who damaged me so much? Angry at the world for being just like that?
EDIT: And yes there is such a thing as trauma bond. But I'm not even talking about trauma bond (that's bad though), I'm talking about what I (or you) felt for the person before the horribleness started. I knew them before it went all so bad. It actually is true in both cases, both people I mentioned.
And I don't want to like, invalidate or humiliate those feelings, how I felt, myself for feeling/having felt them. IT'S FINE. Fine that I felt them.
It's extra sad if others then all try to just help and be well-meaning and then just actually try and invalidate and humiliate the feelings.
EDIT2: I saw you deleted the third post now. I hope you don't mind me having responded to it ? let me know.