Thanks ((((I_WMD and DONNA)))) for that.

True, that she is not in pain anymore and that part of it makes me feel a little better.

I guess I am just feeling selfish. I want her back....the way she was....before she got sick.

I can imagine her and my grandpa walking hand in hand along the beach because that was her favorite place and she didn't get to know her dad much growing up as he was always gone. Now I think they are talking and getting to know each other.

The BF, he does make me smile. The one thing, that no matter that he walked out with no note, he still loves me and tells me every day. I just figured out that I am probably letting him back in because he does love me. Even though a part of me wants to tell him to go to h$ll and forget him for leaving me the way he did, I let him back because I don't think anyone could ever love me the way he does, so I will take him back....does that make sense?

Thank you for being such good peeps! I really appreciate the caring!

BJ