I know how you feel, and I have been unable to find a way to shut it off. I can tell you that after a year of trying to save a marriage after my wife had an extended affair, that trust never returns fully. Even worse the lies told make me see her as a stranger now. Intimacy is the hardest thing to do because it feels gross. At least it does for me, but I have only ever been with her my whole life. We have been married 23 years. I sympathize with you. The only things I haven’t done to try and cope is drugs and alcohol, but I refuse to travel that road. I’ll say a prayer for you!