“Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".

^If you are not having sex with you wife, how is she included in Polyamory? With her, you have non-sexual love, affection, she cooks and cleans for you? With others, you have sex, virtual or otherwise? You wife has no sex at all?

I remember you from posts a year ago or so. They were the same dilemma. What have you changed since then? How has this time worked during your marriage? Have you been having guilt-ridden sexual relations without her consent or abstaining from sex altogether? You say you wife is bitter from your cheating. Is that really why she won’t have sex with you? The menopause excuse is sketchy. There are so many things people can do to enjoy sex and have pleasure. It sounds like your wife likes the security being with you brings her, but closed up to you sexually....maybe as punishment. This is not a healthy marriage.

It sounds like you are struggling between lust and wanting to feel like a righteous person. You’ll have to make some choice for yourself to escape from this uncomfortable situation.