This pretty much sums it up.

There have been many posts asking questions and I've tried to be as honest and straightforward as possible. It's not easy sharing personal perspectives to see them sliced and diced in an online forum. Even under a cloak of anonymity, it takes a lot of vulnerability and transparency. A feat unto itself of me.

Thanks to all who shared their opinions here. If I may sum things up, it goes like this.

Accept your wife the way she is, no sex IRL and no sex online. No partner sex and no cybersex with strangers either. You can only be intimate with one person at a time, your wife, and if she doesn't want to be intimate with you, if you love her you would give up sex.

To love unconditionally means that you accept a person the way they are and don't try and change them.

Change yourself to fit within the boundaries of monogamy and don't try to change your wife to fit within the boundaries of ethical non-monogamy.

Take it or leave it. If you want extramarital sex, give up your marriage and get a divorce. That's the right and proper thing to do.



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We're going to therapy on BetterHelp after the first of the year. We need some help to reconcile our differences. We both with to change the other person into someone else, someone they don't want to be. And neither one of us wants to let go of what we have.

And yes, I have trouble forming relationships IRL too. I vacillate between anxious and avoidant insecure attachment styles. Hopefully the counseling will help me overcome this character flaw too.

Again, thanks for sharing your perspectives.

Happy Holidays!