We both agree that sex IRL is off the table, with her or with anyone else. It's hard to accept a woman who says she never wants to have sex again for the rest of her life, but that is the situation I'm in and I'm trying to make the best of it.

Sex online is under discussion. She would rather no interaction at all whatsoever. I would like "permission" to engage in real time mutual masturbation. There is quite a bit of grey area in between. I'm trying to work with her to come up with a reasonable compromise. To my chagrin, "sexting" was a major trigger for her. She threatened divorce over an online relationship with a woman 8,000 miles away.

I had agreed not to engage in "sexting" and that was my slip. I did it without telling her and asking her to agree on loosening things up a bit. Now I'm looking for a poly friendly person to give me advice on how to deal with jealousy and how to work on a consent agreement.