I'm glad you're going to get therapy. FWIW, I'm not against open marriages, but it's kind of like a bait and switch. Your wife didn't sign up for that, and now you're demanding it. I get that she's asking you to live without sex, and that's not acceptable to you. But she's finds it unacceptable for you to go outside the marriage. Frankly, this sounds irreconcilable. I do agree with Molinit that it seems like you're trying to manipulate her into letting you go outside the marriage. I know you don't want a divorce, but it's not fair to her to make her live with something she doesn't want either. You really seem oblivious too, to the fact that you cheated on her already - you don't think that impacts how she feels about anything? When you were sexting this woman 8000 miles away, it sounds like she wasn't aware that you were doing that or okay with it - to her that likely had the impact of cheating (and if it wasn't with her consent then it was cheating). It sort of sounds like you've done a lot behind her back without talking to her, and perhaps the reason she doesn't want to discuss it is because you've already betrayed her.

I hope for you that couples therapy helps sort out these issues one way or another because you both actually sound miserable. I know you've said elsewhere that your marriage is heaven, but if you're devoting so much time to dealing with sexual needs and even cheated on your wife, then it's not really, is it? You don't have to be miserable for the rest of your life and neither does she.