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Old Dec 26, 2020, 07:24 AM
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Have Hope Have Hope is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,721
My anger really goes back to my father, and I do see this. My father never saw ME, he never acknowledged ME, it was always about HIM, especially at the dinner table. He was overly critical of me, he would chastise me for every negative emotion I felt, and he neglected me.

So my anger really is directed at him.

I cannot blame my husband for who he is - he is who he is - and he is a narcissist. I know I cannot expect him to be any different than what he has shown me. He has shown me low character in so many different ways. Using my credit card without asking me, coercing me into doing cocaine on our wedding night. lying to me several times over, stealing from Home Depot and now cheating on me.

He will not and cannot change, and I do know this. I also know that no matter what I say to him, that he will never own up and will never take full responsibility for his actions. He will never show me that I matter and that my feelings matter. He will never care about how. much he's hurt and harmed me. It's ALL about HIM, how HE feels and what HE wants and needs. He doesn't care about what I want and need.

I accept this, and I am not going to continue trying to get him to "get it", to acknowledge or own up. It's a futile effort - completely futile.

What I also know is that my self worth does NOT depend on HIM or on my father's ability to see me, to acknowledge me or to show me true caring and concern. My self worth comes from ME and from ME alone. I do not need to depend on emotionally disturbed people to validate me or give me worth.

I told my father on Christmas eve about my husband's text to me being all about HIM. My father had NOTHING to say in reply. NOTHING. GO FIGURE because he's narcissistic!

Years ago, when I had confronted my father on his emotional neglect of me when I was young, he excused himself and justified himself by telling me he had grown up in a very dysfunctional environment. He couldn't take ownership, even years later as a full grown adult.

And when I confronted BOTH my parents recently on how I had felt completely abandoned by them on a couple of different occasions when I was younger, neither one of them could take ownership of it and apologize to me. They both gave me excuses.

It's exasperating. Somehow, I have to make peace with this within myself - this is part of my work ahead in therapy.
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