Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
I am going through a process.... a major process. I am forgiving those who have abused me. I wrote my ex fiance saying "I forgive you. That's all. Take care." and I wrote another prior abuser with the same exact message.
Call me stupid or crazy for reaching out to these a-holes again, but I honestly feel better after having done so.
My girlfriend just pointed out to me what my ex fiance will think as a result of me reaching out to him again, and I was like - what the f do I care what HE thinks??? This was for ME and only for ME. It's for MY healing process... do I really care what his reaction will be to that? NO. I really do not care. I did it so that I can finally let go of all the pain that he caused, that i've been holding onto for YEARS. And who cares if he doesn't respond! I don't. Who cares!
She was pointing out all the possible negatives of what I've done, when I felt it was a very positive step. GEEZ!!!!!!
I love my friends DEARLY, but I am learning where they each falter in being a good friend to me through this process. I DO need them - very much so - through my divorce. But I can see where each of them fail me, in one way or another - not entirely, just faltering.
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Yes. No one friend - and no one therapist even - will be able to COMPLETELY "be there" for you, without "failing", being perfect. That's just humanly NOT possible. Focus on what they can each give you and only ask for that, not more.
I did decide myself that I had to be very selective about what I share about my traumas/abuse and with whom. Because it can prevent or obstruct the healing process too if it's done too unselectively. Or at least adds too much unnecessary stress.
(In my case the friends I dropped, they were also trying to attack me, instead of being able to reflect that they were just annoyed or something. That is why I dropped them. Please don't get that far with your friends. But for me it did help me see that some of them were fairweather friends anyway lol)
BTW I have no idea how you've been able to do the forgiveness to let go of pain O_o That's interesting to me...
I did try once to see what need the guy that did the spiritual and emotional abuse to me was tryin to satisfy and it did give a certain mental peace to me, seeing that, but was far from enough to help me let go of all the pain