Quote:
Originally Posted by Alive99
I frankly think "responsibility" is the wrong word for this. She maybe made a mistake out of ignorance, she maybe was confused by the abuser (abusers do that WELL), etc. etc. But the abuse was not her responsibility. That's definitely victim blaming and unfortunately some victims can blame themselves like this and it prevents healing.
And I am saying that while agreeing with you that you do need to get to empowerment in the end, from first accepting that the abuse happened.
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Alive99,
Thanks!
Well, my friend beats herself up endlessly and also suffers from a lot of self judgement. I do too. Her exact wording involved "you allowed this", which to me does come across as victim blaming.
In her own marriage that had been abusive - her ex husband had finally admitted that he had verbally beaten her up on a daily basis. Her response to HIM was that she allowed it. Now I do not know what that meant in HER relationship. One does not exactly allow abuse to occur. It occurs and we respond or react to it. And abusers know how to instill fear and intimidate.
Of course I did not wish to be abused, and every time he did abuse me, I fought back and protested. So I did not ALLOW it - nor do I seek it out from when we first met - who does? Right?
So, yeah, it does come across as victim blaming and victim shaming to me.