My Parents each were given a tool box.

My Mother's was sparse. She was an illegitimate child born to a women from an affair. She was disposed of to relatives who did their best.

My Father's was drought born too. From an alcoholic father who died at 42 from cirosis. 14 brothers and sisters were with him while growing. He and 9 of his siblings are dead from alcohol.

So with both of their combined tools in their toolbox they went about having children. They did their best with what was given and added a few new ones to the box. But it still remained light,,very light.

They passed these tools on to sister and I.

It's like building a house with a claw hammer missing a claw, a screwdriver missing a handle and a wrench missing a side.....

With so much missing it was a miracle anything got built.

But though divorced and with some remaining issues associated with "missing" things,,I am nearly two decades sober and three of my children have no substance abuse issues. My fourth is struggling but knows where help resides..Dysfunction is ailing...

I can't blame my parents for what they did or didn't do. They were given tools and they simply weren't adequate for the job. And as a result my tools weren't either.

So,,my job became adding some tools to the toolbox. Hopefully,,my children will too and in a generation or so our "family" can put illness and dysfunction behind us...

It took generations to get here...impatience is improper...

For what's it's worth,,that's my take on blaming...

IMHO.

Lenny