The quote you've put up profoundly expresses a lot of inexpressible events. I did not know that most of what I've survived could be characterized by one thing, abuse by proxy. I would have said it was a dozen different things all at once. This sentence was me as I was hauled off to jail after 8 hours of the most intense emotional and physical abuse of my life, whereby the jail administrators concluded I was the only legitimate case of a nervous breakdown that they had seen in 20 years: "In contrast, the victims are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical."

This ruined me and I retreated inwards, nearly nonresponsive for 4 years. During that time, my children grew up. I wasn't there. I sat unaware of time and place while they grew up without me. I failed them miserably. When I finally was cognizant of my surroundings, I was instantly taken down with severe depression, generalized and social anxiety disorders and PTSD. I battle this for another 3 years, all the while being isolated and despised by all who knew me: my children, my mother, and everyone else.

Those children are grown now. Out of 5 children, my 4 adult children were all severely damaged by the intensity of abuse, from my husband, in that house. I have two daughters that are drug addicts, living on the streets. One was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and the other was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder. I have two adult sons. One seems narcissistic like his father - so mean and so sensitive all at once. The other just told me yesterday that he was evaluated to have Machiavellianism. My youngest seems fine and I have left my husband.

Everything I read on the OP's quote was all the usual ways life happened. In this quote, "The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor", I was trained to believe I was the problem and it was reinforced even by my parents and everyone I knew (along with one councilor in particular, that I can remember). And this quote: "The prey's acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem" is the reason I eventually went to jail. Because up to that point, I was still pleading with him to be the guy everyone thought he was. I should have left before I became mentally vacant. I should have left before he turned onto my children while I sat like a rag doll in my room, oblivious. Why didn't I leave and why can't I remember 25 years of marriage. I can read the OP's post and remember fragments but that's it. All I really know is I failed my children.

"he abuser perverts the system - therapists, marriage counselors, mediators, court-appointed guardians, police officers, and judges. He uses them to pathologize the victim and to separate her from her sources of emotional sustenance - notably, from her children." --- Yes. Oh my god.

This one is still happening: "Socially isolating and excluding the victim by discrediting her through a campaign of malicious rumors." though it isn't happening in quite the same way as it used to. I am no longer isolated. Instead, he tells my children how bad I am, what thing he sees I've done wrong, and how he feels about it. I am in the middle of a divorce and a year ago my son's were very supportive of my leaving and were kind towards me. I don't talk to them what is going on with their father and I. I don't think talking about people is healthy, especially talking negative about your child's other parent but my husband does talk and the more he talks, the worse my son's treat me. At this point, they are just as mean and nasty as their father.

He talks bad about me to my 14 year old daughter too. She blurts it out sometimes when she is mad at him. I have to make her go to his house for visitation and it takes 2 days for her to calm down when she gets home.

"... charging her with offenses she did not commit." yes
"Colluding with others to render the victim dependent on the abuser." yes
"But, by far, her children are the abuser's greatest source of leverage over his abused spouse or mate." yes

God, I can't imagine how long and nonsensical this post is going to be. Sorry.