Thanks, whatever. Alas, neither private nor public is an option. I spent 4 grueling years trying in a timeframe in which I was doing very badly mentally and physically. I ran out my savings during 6-ish months that I was utterly incapable of work. Which forced me back into some degree of work (I have very limited work skills), but not enough to survive without public assistance. The only other option was to literally live on the streets. That is unacceptable to me. Long/short, there is no one to support me and as long as you are doing anything, no matter how limited or unsustainable, you are considered just fine. I am pretty bitter about how I was treated. Even being over 50 didn't help me.

I am thankful that I managed to get a job I (generally) like once I hit a good patch. There are just some (unfortunately non-negotiable) things that are very challenging and stressful for me. And i get very anxious how that's going to play out over time. Especially when things are going badly. And I do not believe I will ever be able to retire, so, as far as I can see it, I'll eventually just drop dead working and being stressed out like this.

Sorry, got on a bit of a rant...