I have no confidence in my ability to get my s—t together. I don’t get along with people very well so jobs especially one that might pay well are difficult for me, plus I’m crippled with fear about having to give up doing things that I do like to do studying and learning, I read a lot (at least when my head is clear) other things I do that I enjoy as well but even these things are frequently interrupted by barrages of intrusive thoughts. Arguments with people I haven’t seen in years then I am screaming at them in my head or sometimes screaming at the walls. I am just crazy. I hate myself so no one can ever love me, my job is good for me in one way, I am alone a lot so interacting with people is fairly optimal for me but the pay is crap it has no benefits which means that in the US therapy is not an option. I am very dependent on my family which makes me a loser I just have this ball of insecurity inside me and if anyone touches it I lash out. I’m just in the way but too much of a coward to do anything about it.