OMG! He does NOT listen to me! Our texts this morning - I replied to his continued begging and pleading and to his offer to go to individual therapy, which is what initiated this particular back and forth exchange:

ME:
You must understand something: you have broken my heart and you have broken my trust. Even if forgave you, there is still no trust. I cannot be in a relationship where I no longer trust the person.

We have not been married very long and there's been a multitude of ugly fights and issues.

I cannot go back to where we were: the happier times. We are now in a very different place. I am in a completely different place emotionally, and I do not feel the same towards you as I once did. You have hurt me very badly and more than once - why would I keep putting my hand on a lit burner, only to keep getting hurt again and again? That's crazy. I am extremely wary of you.

What I am getting at is this: even if I forgave you, and even if you went to therapy, the fact of the matter is I cannot trust you again. I gave you my full heart once, and I cannot give you my heart again. You broke my heart into a gazillion pieces by writing to Jamie the way you were. You have NO idea what reading those texts did to me - I was physically shaking when I read them. It traumatized me. It's the LAST thing I actually expected from you - the very last. It was a shock to say the least, and like I said, it was traumatizing for me. It also killed my trust, faith and belief in you.

And what would it look like if we got back together? I wouldn't want you to be working next to Jamie or even at that dealership anymore. I would want access to your phone and full transparency at all times. Who wants to live like that? It's not practical or realistic. The trust is completely gone.

You think it can be fixed. It cannot be fixed. This relationship for me has run its course, and I cannot go back. It's not a healthy relationship for me.

Yes, you have anger issues and you have a disorder that should be addressed in individual therapy IF you are ever to have a healthy relationship.

I am no longer unleashing my anger and rage at you, so please don't say things that indicate the opposite. I am done doing so, and I do not wish ill upon you anymore.

I’d like for us to not have a contentious divorce, and I truly do wish you well.

HIM:
please I don’t want this u can trust me. I’ve learned a lot and I am miserable with out u.
There is no lit burner, only a man that misses you and understands life without u and does not want to live it.

I’ve never done anything like that before and won’t again: you don’t make mention of the police action and what that must have done to me. In sickness and health in good times and bad and now I’ve told god how I feel and am still praying u can feel an ounce of compassion and know I do love you and don’t want to live without you. Since that day that girl and I only speak about work related issues while at work. We are not attracted to each other and that is a fact.

ME:
It’s too late. It’s just too late. You did not respect me enough to stop yourself from flirting and getting involved with your co worker. Something you claimed you would never do at work as well as to me. It’s too late. Please... just respect the fact that it’s over for us. And please stop using the police as an excuse. You knew that this would end our marriage, and it has.

HIM:
I simply don’t want to live without you. I understand life without you and it is a bad one. I sob every night I cry when I think of you, I long to see your face.

I can’t just give up, I promised god I told him he could take me away if I failed to live up.

I love you and It’s like I’m waking up from a coma after being asleep and everything I know is gone. I don’t know how else to say it . I’m sorry.

I can’t stand life without u.
I’m sorry I can’t just walk away, I want to be there for you.
Ok I have to work now. I’m sorry.

ME:
it’s over. You’re not listening to me. You didn’t fully read every sentence I wrote, or you’re not listening. I cannot be in this relationship anymore. I do not feel the same way anymore. I don’t know how else to state it.

You crossed a line. You disrespected everything that I have said to you about cheating and about stepping out of bounds with another woman. You did it anyways. There is no going back.

What you did was entirely selfish and self serving. You say it’s because you were not yourself, that you were in a bad place, and it’s because I called the police. There is no excuse for what you did. And I cannot be with you anymore. I cannot be with someone who treats me with such total disregard and disrespect. My feelings have changed. Please respect that I am saying it’s over.

HIM:
I wish to die.