Hi BlueCheesePlease!

I was holding my breath reading your post, it does sound so suffocating and awful. I was relieved when I got to the part where you said you had cut off contact with your sister. I really feel that this might help you focus on yourself, as it sounds like your sister has made it about her most of the time. Understandable given her past, but everyone has a past and it is no excuse to treat other people badly. No matter what happened. Even though that cliche saying ‘hurt people hurt people’ does have some truth to it, you do not have to put up with it ever.

I think grieving for your sister is very natural, as of course you love her. You tried to help her so much by the sounds of it, but she was hurting you too much for it to carry on that way. It is not your fault what happened, and when abusers are in the family pretending to be like normal people it is difficult to avoid them without some kind of confrontation.

It’s valuable to be able to see the situation and step back from it like you have done, and to discuss it with people. I don’t think your sister sounds like she is seeing the world very clearly right now, which is why she has said all those hurtful things. Please make sure you can take care of yourself now, you are important and deserve to be cared for.