Hey whisperingskye It sounds like it is really tough for you right now. I know what it is like to have every thought consumed by it. Luckily after a few days of that I usually get a break but it doesn't sound like that is happening for you. You are really strong because you haven't gone out and bought the stuff you need. That's awesome. Can you make a self care kit if you don't already have one? Put in some music you like, some nice lotion, something to fidget with, keep your hands busy, post cards of places you've been or want to go, etc. Sometimes that helps me. HUGS Kit