You do indeed need a little help. I agree with you that you have also suffered a devastating secondary trauma... that of losing the safety and trust in your family members. Not to mention the trauma of the ongoing loss of your family. They betrayed you and let you down when you needed them the very most.
Can you see a therapist? Trauma is embedded in our brains, and is very hard (but not impossible) to overcome on your own. Do you know about the ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). The effects of trauma are very, very real. Get some help from a professional if you can.