I felt very distressed again last night. I took more Xanax. It was all I could do. I should have taken a hot shower but well my “instruments” are in the bathroom. I thought if I went in there for too long....

I woke up late and unsteady this morning. I just woke up twenty minutes ago (10am). Stumbled to the bathroom. But I’m up now. Still depressed though.

I will at least put the dishes in the dishwasher and hope to finish my laundry today. RS gets grossed out by dishes that have been sitting for a couple of days. I’m used to it considering the conditions I grew up in. No one ever did the dishes but me (unless I was stuck in a program somewhere). So it doesn’t phase me.

I agreed to take my son to see his bio grandfather on Saturday. NOT happy about it. I’m going to stay long enough for my son to open his presents then feign an excuse to gtfo.

I just wish I knew where this depression is coming from. Must be the holidays. Must be. They don’t usually affect me like this. Not sure what’s different this year.

I’m having nausea issues again. I need to cut down on fatty and sugary foods again and see if that helps.