everytime i try to eat more i somehow fall back into restroction. with my athletic levels i should have been eating a lot more. trying to get healthy again but not gain. yesterday i ate a ton of oreos--ok calories need to get in somewhow. did not really gain from the many oreos. today i acknowledged my hunger even though i binged yesterday and so far had pasta. according to the BMI any loss will result in me being underweight. i'm thrilled in a sick way. hope i continue to eat enough today and can get back to my athletic goals. it's just scary to eat a lot.