So Sorry to hear about your struggles! Is your therapist and/or group therapy currently helping at least a little bit or not? If they don't seem too helpful perhaps it would be good to find a new therapist/group and perhaps a pdoc to get some meds. SEnding many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Rincewind, your Family, your FriEnds and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!