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Originally Posted by Have Hope
@ Alive99, how are you doing now with all of this? Where are you at in your thought process and emotional state? |
Hey thanks for asking. Sorry I was low and not posting on here at all but I will check your thread soon (tomorrow as I don't have much time now).
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I am not sure if I posted this here yet, but I formally reached out to two abusive ex's to tell them I forgive them. It has been several years of no contact. Now, this may not have been the best idea given how they may react to this, especially out of the blue years later, but I did it for myself. And I do feel better after having done so.
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That is cool, I don't know if I would be able to let go of any bad feelings that way. Maybe if I've first spent enough time out of the gaslighty bubble they put me into. So that all of it is enough in the distant past. It is still too fresh for now because so far I only fully got out of one of the bubbles (the romantic one).
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I am not suggesting you do the same thing. I am only sharing this because I finally got to a place of being sick and tired of holding onto the pain that one of these individuals in particular caused. I wanted to finally let it go.
But forgiveness is tricky business. I think one has to process the experience for oneself first, and process through all the resulting emotions before being able to forgive, in one's heart or formally in an email like I did. If we forgive too quickly, we may still have to process what happened, regardless.
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I totally agree that timing matters for all this emotionally.
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But forgiving for me has finally allowed me to release all the pain, anguish and regret that they caused me, and I do feel a lot lighter, better and more at peace about these situations that happened in my life.
Anyways, just wondering how you're doing with all of this and where you're at personally with it all. Hugs to you.
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Thanks again. I think I said it above. For me getting out of the bubble I mentioned above, that has helped me release a lot of the pain and anguish. Being back in the normal sense of reality. But I have only completed this for one of the cases so far. I am not sure yet where forgiveness would fit into all this. Actually, can you say more on what kind of thinking goes with it for you? Like...do you feel like you can put the whole experience in your normal sense of reality and integrate it emotionally for you so then it feels like a normal thing to forgive too? I hope that made some sense.
