My divorce was finalized in March. It feels like we’re still married going back and forth between trying to work things out or not. The divorce is completely my fault. Infidelity and many other traumas I put him through because of my undiagnosed bipolar disorder 1. I have shame guilt self hatred I have many past sexual abuse trauma and an absent mother who never loved me. I have lost all of my family, my person-husband-my friends, and now my kids are scared of me because I became explosive unable to control my emotions. My finances are in the toilet. I have no support system. Every time I think it’s best to stop trying to get back together with him he gives me a sliver of hope. Even though he can’t even say if he would be able to give me another chance much less be in a relationship with me. He won’t take a picture with me. He won’t friend me on Facebook. He says it’s none of my business what he does. But since it’s all my fault and he’s hurting I try my best to deal with it but the rejection and lack of love from him is killing me and turning me into a person I don’t recognize.