What do you mean undiagnosed? You think you have it? I think you might want to try to see a professional. It’s not a good idea to self diagnose

Your marriage is over. It went all kind of wrong. I’d see a therapist to help you move on. I think you might want to stop contacting affair partner. Even though you are free to do so as a divorced person, men who sleep with married women aren’t the best advise givers. I’d not be asking him for advice

I wish you the best but I don’t recommend you try to reconcile with your ex. Accept that it’s over. There is no way it could work out. Multiple affairs and getting him fired isn’t particularly good marriage material. Try to seek help and address your issues with a professional