I'm sorry but with such history... there is absolutely no way that you can try to reconcile this relationship. It's over with. Seeking advice from the man that you had an affair didn't exactly help the situation. Would you want to go back to an abusive and hostile relationship if your husband did exactly what you did to him? Actions results in consequences. I would take this time to try to seek some professional help. Theirs must be an underlining issue that's causing you to be abusive to others. I would go see a therapist for help.

In the mean time I would recommend that you end any form of communication with your ex-husband... If you must contact him for any (legit reason) only contact him through a lawyer. Remove him from any social media networks.