no its good to vent so no need to appologize for the length. ive been bulimic for just a year and feel some effects also, but nothing quite like yours. see i would love to quit, because id hate to have all those things happening to me. you are only killing yourself slowly and as special as bulimia feels to you its probably best for you to seek help, so you can see the better things in life that make you feel good. diseases like this mess with your head, and you can't let it win, but it sounds like it is. i am sorry to hear about your mom. i'd really suggest going to the doctor and getting a referal to a clinic, this way you can have some one to talk to and help you out in your situation. you'll be able to see that sure food is great and makes you feel good but there are plenty of things out there that will make you feel that way, that won't hurt your health as bas as this has.
good luck and please get better