Welcome to PC trapped, good to see you, You have a lot going on there, I would urge you to look around read the forums, you will find people here whose experiances would mirror your own. If you feel confused and want someone to talk to, jump into the support chat, the people here are kind and very helpful. We are always glad to listen and help in anyway we can.

You have found a safe place to express yourself with out condemnation or judgment, please take full advantage of it

best of luck and again welcome

take care

TJ