Dear Woven Galaxy,

I experience that too. It can be such an unhappy experience. A pscyhologist taught me a little trick for dealing with rude comments and questions. If someone says something toxic, just reply: "What?" If they repeat the toxic statement or question, just say "what?" again. And keep doing it over and over until the person stops. The person will eventually tire of the whole thing.

By saying "what?" one is neither responding to their rudeness by simply "taking it" which can be hard on self-esteem. Neither is one returning one rudeness for another and perhaps provoking a worse situation.

By saying "what", it gives the person a chance to rethink whether to repeat their rude statement or question. Very few people expect "what?" as a response to a toxic comment or question so it sort of disarms them and throws them off their guard.

Many people grew up in households where rudeness was the status quo and it has become second-nature to them. They often regard those who "take" the rudeness as weak and those who fight as thin-skinned and overly sensitive. By saying "what" you change their whole "game."

I don't know if this would work for you or others but I have found it effective for me. Hope you get lots of responses to your post!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen