Dear romanticbigman,

I understand that situation from personal experience, so my heart goes out to you!

Something that works for me is doing a cost/benefit analysis of various courses of action. Admittedly, this is a bit abstract and cold blooded, but it sometimes helps me sort out actions and consequences and what I am prepared to give versus what I am prepared to lose.

This also takes a situation out of an "emotions only" way of thinking by putting things in a realistic perspective.

Relationships can be thorny and seem to involve interminable power struggles. Sometimes just going with one's gut feeling turns out badly. Sometimes not.

What does your girl friend bring into your life? What does a limitation on your freedom in the matter you mention take from your life? Which is more important to you? Is some sort of compromise possible? And so on.

If you lose the ability to see old girls friends in the situation you describe, how awful would that be? If you lose your girl friend, how awful would that be? Which is more awful?

I wish I had some better advice for you. Hopefully others here will have more knowledge, experience and insight than I have and will be helpful to you. It sounds like the situation is weighing heavily upon you. So sorry about that!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen