I’m angry at you. And I know my anger is completely unjust and unfair but I can’t stop feeling it. I’m angry because you left me without any support for four weeks during a time that has been utter hell and I’ve got myself in to the worst state that I’ve been in for a long time. I’m angry that you don’t care enough about me and can just carry on with your life without a second thought about the fact that I may be really struggling. I’m angry that even if I was to contact you to say how much I’m hurting you wouldn’t reply.
And I know I have absolutely no right to feel like this, I’m just your job and you deserve to have a break from work and not think about it and you have boundaries etc and I’m sickeningly ashamed of myself for feeling like this. But I do feel it and it’s s***. So f*****g s***. I hate being angry, I don’t know how to be angry, I’m not allowed to be angry and I just want to stop feeling this. But I can’t. I know this is completely out of line and I’m sorry but I just can’t keep all of this in any longer.
Should I tell you all of this when we meet next? Probably. Will I? No cos I’m gutless and pathetic.