@Alive99, well, for me, and I am speaking only from my experiences, I had had seven abusive relationships prior to meeting my now abusive husband. I truly knew better. I should have paid attention to the red flags, which I ignored yet recognized, and I ignored my gut reactions that something was very off. So I've had to forgive myself for not listening to my gut and for ignoring the red flags, and I've had to take responsibility for the fact that I also married someone whom I knew was abusive just before I married him. Now that's just my particular process and situation.

I am glad that my post made you think a bit on your own traumatic experience and on what you have learned about yourself coming out of it. That's all we can do is learn from our experiences.

Trauma is complex and different for every person. I do not know if you have or were abused in your childhood, for example. I was abused in my childhood, and therefore, I have childhood trauma, which is triggered by these abusive relationships I've had. I am working on healing all of it in therapy to date.

So, I suppose for you, and now please forgive me if I haven't read through your entire thread, but if you experienced childhood trauma, it could also be triggered by the experiences you've had more recently. If not, then these recent experiences stand more so as an anomaly within the entirety of your lifelong experiences.

Therapy really helps to process trauma and abuse. Are you in therapy? And again my sincere apologies if you are having to repeat yourself.

I am very pragmatic and practical when it comes to solving problems. So therefore, I face these issues with very practical questions: what can I learn from the experiences I've had and how can I apply that education and learning to my future relationships? How can I heal myself from past abuse? And finally, how can I find inner peace after so much turmoil and pain, after all is said and done?

That is why I chose to forgive those two past abusers, finally. Forgiveness is not for everyone. But there comes a point in your healing journey where you will want to finally release all the pain from the past, whether you choose to forgive or not. But forgiveness does allow for that release. It's a pathway. I understand you are not there at this present moment. You are still processing your experiences. That's just the path that I personally chose, and it's helped me.

At the very least, it helps to think it through in full - and again I point to what can be learned? How can I heal from this? And how can I move forward in life from this, putting it all into perspective and behind me?