hey luckyyouxx
thank you for taking the time to read this and respnd. i appreciate ur advice believe me. as much as i want and know that i mist seek help i dont know if i will ever be able to work up the courage to do so. im scared of letting this go. even though it has been messing with my head for years now. it has gotten in the way of my life, but yet its like a drug to me. right after i purge i get tthiss very relaxed and at ease feeling. it makes me calm in a sense. but this is why i am here at this site. im taking bay steps. i want to get better..i need to get better. i wanna have kids in the future and there is no way i can have a healthy child in my condition right now. thank u or replying.