It's amazing to me that even after he has left, I find myself at times missing his company and missing HIM - the good parts of him. It's called the trauma bond, so I am still apparently trauma bonded to him.

Then I re-read my "sobriety list" of ALL abusive incidents that have occurred since we met. Then I read my list titled "be glad that... " where I list all the issues with him that I no longer have to deal with.

It works!!!! It helps to break the addiction and trauma bond's power over me.

In a podcast on narcissistic abuse, this is called radical acceptance of the TRUTH and breaking the cognitive dissonance that occurs through the abuse cycle. We tend to forget the abuse, which is called abuse amnesia, in favor of the good times and the loving parts of them, which is where the cognitive dissonance occurs.

But facing the UGLY truth of the matter helps break the spell.

I wish I had all the ugly things he's ever said to me - all the poisonous words - within one place as well to help me break the spell whenever I am missing him.