Quote:
Originally Posted by Chocopiano27
What is a healthy family, really?
How about your family?
I'm 22 years old. I don't have a father since I was born, he left my mom and older sister. He died when I was in high school, I had mixed emotions because of it. I've always lived with my grandparents, along with my sister and mother. My uncle is also there. And every Saturday my aunt's family (her, my other uncle, three cousins around the same age) always come to see my grandparents.
My uncle is really cold and quiet. We don't usually talk, he's just hanging around from work and often gets mad when things piss him off, nobody wants to deal with him when that happens.
My grandparents on the other hand are really caring, but protective. And they're really old so my mom, sister, and I have to cater to them a lot and I get exhausted these days, I can't even go to work, and would close my room and cry/look at my walls.
My mom and sister always fight, mom is actually emotionally unavailable since I was young, whenever I feel something and talk to her it's like she's always on the opposing side and doesn't seem to understand me. She sometimes says I'm "too emotional". She's preoccupied with work, my sister's problem, and these days my grandparents.
My sister on the other always speaks her mind even using harsh words, she often breaks through my boundaries and I have to lock my door so that she doesn't enter my room or share too much and too long about her problems I mean, she can actually complain to me the same thing every day for hours and repeat the very same day. It's been 7 years.
My aunt's family is also really cold. When they come to my house we usually end up talking badly and laugh about other family members (i usually keep silent), and the amount of sarcasm... Oh, God. Even though they laugh a lot, they are the most unpleasant ones to be around honestly. I always feel threatened when they're around, it's like I can be belittled any moment if I do any wrong things. And they like to order me around not asking about my condition/feelings.
Is that what having a 'family' feel like? Is it normal? In these covid months, I can't go out so I feel miserable. How about your family? What is a healthy family?
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What you said about how your mom is always on the other side, and how you are sure how your mean joking family would tear you to shreds too, I totally relate to and you are the first one here to articulate that (I hadn’t to myself).
Have you read about Childhood Emotional Neglect?
Also, there are many psychological articles to read on ‘what is a healthy relationship, family or any other’. No, yours is not healthy. The fact you sound so alone and cry tells you something isn’t right.
Identifying and learning about it is a good step to start your journey of self care.