Quote:
Originally Posted by emmaleemochizuki
I do that a lot. Trying to find a reasonable excuse for every single thing that's happened. I thought if I can find a justifiable reason for everything, then it will make what happened better. But it doesn't, having a reason doesn't make things any less painful, or more acceptable.
But still I find myself defending my abusers. I find reasons for them why they behaved the way they did, and when I can't find a reason I blame myself.
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Defending an abuser excuses and justifies their poor treatment of you. It's harder to face the reality that one is being abused, which is a painful reality to admit to oneself. Like someone said above, abusers are like assholes. And in the end, their behavior is not excusable, it is not justifiable, it is not acceptable in any shape or form, and it is not your fault.
Perhaps you have a lot of compassion and understanding, or you want to think that somehow you caused it. But no one causes an abuser to abuse. It's a deliberate choice on their part.
The bottom line is these people should be called out on their abuse and on their bad behaviors.
My husband is extremely abusive. He grew up with an abusive father, and he mirrors his father's bad behaviors. Now, if I sat here and accepted this treatment toward me by saying, oh well he was abused, so it's understandable and he just needs help, well that would be really self destructive and masochistic if I began to think this way. I am presently divorcing him.
We can be compassionate and understanding of their plight, but also not allow the abuse to occur by walking away from an abuser.