Hello. The urge to self harm is hard to give up or have it go away. I'm almost at a year without self harming and I still have urges almost everyday. My Pastor Therapist says that I am physiologically and emotionally addicted to self harm. Does that feel like it might be that way for you as well? He says I have to go two years to even start to be considered recovering. Ugh. Great job on not doing anything against yourself for nearly two years. That's great. I'm sorry you still get urges though. I know people five years out still get urges. I think it is just something that is going to happen for a long time. Maybe forever.


I don't really know how the mental health system is in Germany. Can you find a therapist to work with for the self esteem issues? My therapist helps me. I know longer think of myself as "bad" or "deserving punishment." Therefore it is a lot harder to actually commit any violence towards myself. In the US we have free support groups like NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and it is kind of like group therapy. Even hanging out here on the forums and talking to people can be helpful. I'm not too sure how to advise you on the self esteem part. My therapist is what has really helped me and some really good friends who I can go to for almost any reason any time of day or night.


As for making friends can you volunteer somewhere? I have made some friends that way. Find a cause you care about and jump in. Mine is doing a food pantry. So I help pass out food to people who need it. But working with others to accomplish that goal has found me a couple of really good friends. Just an idea. Hang in there, don't give up hope. HUGS Kit