((( Sky, BJ ))) Thank you so much for the quick replies! Your support means a lot to me. I feel like I am going crazy in here, even if I'm not crazy after all.

I guess this is the reason I want clarification so badly - some validation for my feelings, and to prove me wrong, that I'm not psychotic anymore. That I, indeed, am not crazy.

I'm also quite unsure of why Risperdal has to be upped, sure, I'm anxious because I'm losing time, don't know what's happening, but Risperdal does practically nothing to me except worsen my physical condition, cannot enjoy sports (had a weird side effect which causes me to get very exhausted from physical activity, pdoc says Risperdal does not cause it though but it stops right away when I quit taking it), weight gain, etc..

It's been over a month since I told my T about losing time and being told that I had been acting weird around people. My pdoc told me that these might be psychotic symptoms, so I guess they are assuming it's psychosis.

I'm not sure how much they value my opinion since "I have lost contact with reality". Today when my T told my pdoc about me telling her about the weird side effect of Risperdal, she kinda laughed at it as if it was a good joke.

As for finding an another T, I don't know if I can do that right now (no finances, other T that I could have started seeing was probably an alcoholic and saw me as a fun game where I tell stuff and he focused on guessing my diagnosis, not on my recovery) and even if I could, there probably would be no sense in it because I may be moving to Sweden in September.

I guess, for now, I have to be stuck recovery wise. I now have access to my youngest alter's memories, and they are flooding, and even though I am satisfied that I have more puzzle pieces in place, it is painful because I do not know how to process these things.

But, if I think positive, I survived all that, I will survive this.