It sounds like you have always loved your husband and sacrificed a lot so he could get ahead and have a career that he could flourish in. Sometimes what happens with that is that the wife creates a different life for the husband and with that his lifestyle gradually gets so the wife isn't a part of this new life. What gradually can take shape is the husband gets more involved with the career and less and less connected to his wife and family. So in essence the husband gets more and more detached. He is no longer the person the wife married, he has grown into another person that is increasingly involved in this new existence. This actually can happen with the woman too where the husband supports her as she works on a career and she becomes so involved with her career world that she slowly detaches from her husband.

When someone works on and attains knowledge and becomes more valueable it often changes how others in that world see him, this includes any women that are exposed to him who are looking for a "made" man. It doesn't always have to be a woman though, instead it could be the career itself that provides so much reward that it becomes that individual's life. It's actually very common for this level to take place in the individual's forties. However, it can take place when an individual is younger and hits a level where they are in high demand like in music and acting careers and in competitive sports of all kinds. However, it can happen in the medical field too as I remember a client of mine that is a heart surgeon who once he accomplished the skill set needed he was in so much demand that he genuinely had little time to be with his family and children. I do remember him struggling with that challenge as he was experiencing the cost of his career in terms of a normal family life. This can also happen when either individual gets involved with serving the country and literally goes for several months when on tour of duty. We all know that too changes a person.

My point is there really is NO black and white and it doesn't always boil down to "you are being abused" either. I have met career individuals that are conflicted where their career path took over and they were not the ideal family/relationship individual they also thought they could be. There actually CAN be a lot of guilt because of that. And there are times where the career was so consuming that the woman or man can suddenly see their children in their teens and they really don't know them, how fast that happened too almost like over night.

Relationship challenges don't always boil down to "oh my god I am the victim". Also, when you invest in another person there is always a risk. Just because you did this and that it doesn't always give you a guarantee. Actually, when I talked to this heart surgeon one of his big challenges was how he watched his mother try to go through treatment for her breast cancer. He did watch her suffer and in the end the treatment failed and his mother died. This made him question if it was wrong for his mother to go through all of that. My reply to him was that he really had to keep in mind that there have been many women who seek treatment and survive, and that his mother had the right to at least try and that is why we have medical treatment in the first place. One would think he already knew this given how he holds another person's very life in his hands with every heart surgery he performs. Yet, he somehow could not see it that way and he really just needed someone to help him with that so he could remember there genuinely are "risks" and no guaruntees. There are times in our lives where we have to get to a point where we realize how we simply cannot always control outcomes. This heart surgeon was definitely struggling with "this is so unfair" feelings.

I don't want to project anything into this challenge you are facing, I see that happen a lot (after all no one here knows your husband personally or even you). It seems to me that part of you wants to find the best way to handle this challenge and there are some gray areas that I don't want to fill which can push you in any direction that would lead to an end result you really don't want. It's hard enough when it comes to sorting out why a relationship is not working out and sorting through your emotions about it. It can lead to this feeling of "this is so unfair". That is when it's important to step back so you don't let emotions take over as you feel them.